


Delicate

by kirogaraii



Series: A Bitter Sweet World : ShuuKazu [1]
Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: (this is the Real Kazuaki btw), BitterSweet AU : ShuuKazu, Light Angst, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mild Blood, Mutual Pining, Other, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-18 23:37:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22401682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirogaraii/pseuds/kirogaraii
Summary: Kazuaki keeps coming back, and every time he does, he feels more real to him. More...obtainable.
Relationships: Iwamine Shuu/Nanaki Kazuaki (Original)
Series: A Bitter Sweet World : ShuuKazu [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623460
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Delicate

The mornings are usually peaceful as students and teachers occupy themselves with arriving in classes and beginning to study. It’s not until the first break where birds would peek into the infirmary to seek remedy for their sudden stomachaches, headaches, and nosebleeds, though rarer.

But things have been shifting, it seems. Slowly enough that it was easy to miss, the routine that doctor Iwamine has gotten used to begins to crumble. An annoying little scratch, dares one say _fissure_ , in his humble beginnings of becoming a school doctor.

The infirmary door slides open at exactly 7:50AM, ten minutes before classes start. A man stumbles in with tears in his eyes, and eye-catching redness.

“Iwamineeee…”

He whines with enough misery to make even the doctor perk up curiously. “Please help me, I can’t walk…!”

The man is predictable. His expressions are easy to read, and he as a whole seems easy to read. Kazuaki Nanaki, arrives in the infirmary for the fourth consecutive day in a row.

“Professor Nanaki. What is it?” Shuu caps his pen and gives the other an analytical look. “...You seem to have walked here just fine.”

“I...I was running on the way to school and I tripped and fell right on the asphalt! A-Aaargh!” Kazuaki bent up from his crouched pose, revealing his trembling bloodied knees. The white jean fabric torn, and clinging to the wounds.

“...I see. Sit down over there, then.”

Shuu’s response was flat and empty. He paid the limping teacher no mind, while he pushed himself up from his chair and prepared a tray.

“And take your pants off.” he added.

“Ehhh?!” Kazuaki flabbergasted once he was seated on one of the beds. He wears layers of clothing for a reason, afterall. Taking it off for the sake of a doctor’s visit was always scary...But he has made it his quest to be more brave from now on, _hasn’t he?_ With some squirming and hesitation, he slowly pulled his pants down, but stopped around the knees. “I-I can’t. It hurts too much…! Do I have to?!” Another tear streamed down his face, much to his frustration.

“I don’t command things unless they’re mandatory. Would you prefer me to cut them off for you?” Shuu glanced over his shoulder, raising a large pair of scissors, “...The cuffs, or the legs?”

Kazuaki let out a small shriek, to Shuu’s pleasure. He glared down at his knees- god, just the sight made him want to cry even harder- and knitting his eyes shut, tugged down the material. “Ow, owowowow…”

“...Good boy.”

The doctor continued to place his utensils on the tray at a relaxed pace. All the while Kazuaki frantically hoped to wipe his face clean with just his sleeves.

...Relaxed. Why was the doctor acting so slow? He hated making his patients wait, and he hated needless delay equally as much...But he himself wasn’t quite sure.

He knew that this was a fast procedure. He will bandage Kazuaki’s wounds and send him off for the rest of the day.

The doctor finally returned to his patient with his tray of a reasonable roll of bandage, scissors, a beaker of water, and...something Kazuaki didn’t expect yet.

“O-Oh no, are you gonna disinfect it? That’s really gonna hurt…” he heaved, Shuu sat down on a stool right before him. “It won’t hurt. Not more than it does right now.”

The man was a doctor, and out of the few doctors that Kazuaki had the displeasure of being at, Shuu Iwamine struck him as the most professional and...passionate about his duty. He tried really hard to remember this when he put on rubber gloves and gently maneuvered Kazuaki’s knee in his hands, but it was only a natural instinct for him, to cover his crotch and feel embarrassed beyond everything else. He should’ve worn pants that could’ve been simply cuffed upwards instead. Stupid stupid stupid. On the bright side, at least this is one of his grey pairs of underwear, and not...one with banana patterns on it, or something.

“...This is impressive.” Shuu spoke with a lilt, seemingly not even to Kazuaki himself, “You skinned yourself quite harshly. I suppose the impact of a fully grown adult against asphalt is more dangerous than that of a light-footed student dove.”

“E-Eugh…” Most of what Kazuaki offered were displeased and pained grunts. He kept his head turned away, to not even peek at the scary injury. “I’m sorry…”

Shuu raised an eyebrow at Kazuaki, still forcing his eyes shut. “...No need to be. That wasn’t a complaint.”

...Kazuaki Nanaki is an easy man to read. Even if he overestimates the seriousness of his scraped knees, a clearly written out patient is pleasant. So far, at least. Shuu caught himself staring at the other’s body language for a second longer than intended.

He hovered the beaker of water above Kazuaki’s knees, and a small bowl to catch the excess beneath them. “This will sting a little. Stay still.”

“Wha-?” Kazuaki whimpered but was immediately halted by a painful sting, as warned. Sending a shiver down his spine, he almost kicked the doctor in his own knee. Shuu’s reaction subdued, “I told you to stay still.”

He felt water drip down his legs. It prompted Kazuaki to squint down just for a split second, but immediately screwed his eyes back shut when the sight only ever seemed to get worse. Water made the stream of blood even more scary. Another groan.

He heard the sound of a tissue being pulled, and then felt Shuu press it into his hand. “Wipe your eyes.”

The command was clear. Shivering, Kazuaki’s hand accepted the tissue. He kept it over his face for a minute regardless, probably out of embarrassment. He tried to smile, and thanked the doctor in a sheepish voice.

The feeling of Shuu wiping the excess water off his knees with a piece of cotton felt comforting. He was delicate and precise in his movements. Delicate sounded so unfitting for a man this cold and thorny...And yet.

“I’m putting ointment on your wound to keep moisture and prevent infection.”

And just like those professional touches, Shuu’s voice was delicate as well. Maybe Kazuaki found it more nurturing than anyone else...In these desperate times.

“T-Thank you very much…” the words slipped out.

And it was enough to rattle Shuu once more.

“...I am only doing my job.” his forehead creased. “Regardless, avoid letting water directly to the wound. It will probably take a week to fully heal. I ask you to come here tomorrow morning as well, so that I can change the bandage. I doubt you’d be able to do it yourself in your emotionally weak state.”

“O-Oh...Oh my…” Kazuaki opened his eyes and gave the other a genuine, teary-eyed smile, “Thank you so much for...for the patience…”

Shuu stopped applying the gel to his fingers, “Seriously, professor, what is it? You come here every morning with a complaint, and talk as if I’m your friend for doing my job as a school nurse.” He returned the gaze with a tense expression. “Stay focused. Think about the classes that you will be teaching in a few minutes.”

Kazuaki bit his lip and quickly turned away again. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” he balled fists in his lap. His voice cracked, “...I’m just trying to be nice! Are you, are you mad?”

The answer was silence. Shuu continued to perform his task. For a moment, one could swear that both of them appeared _equally_ as uncomfortable.

...It was. Shuu began to dab ointment around one knee at a time with calm disposition, but there was still sweat forming behind his bangs.

Because having Kazuaki so close to him was rattling in itself.

And the image of him with this wide and fleshy wound, right at Shuu’s disposal...He could not say why, but it made him wither on the inside. Like the charred edges of a paper slowly burning away, Shuu felt his insides cool and crinkle.

And the image of him with his hoarse but light voice, saying such relaxed and level-headed things to him...it all made Shuu sick.

Kazuaki hasn’t writhed this time when the ointment was applied to his wound. He’s been gritting his teeth in hopes that no noise comes out of him. A noise that’d bother the doctor again.

“...I am not mad, professor.”

The answer came a minute or two too late.

But the professor didn’t mind, it seemed. Kazuaki sniffled with a smile. “Ah, nice…”

Next thing he knew, Shuu took his leg by the calf and straightened it, causing Kazu to shriek afterall. “Owa—! Doctoor!”

“I’m testing. It hurts when you bend it, right? You should avoid straining yourself too much for a few days and walk normally.” Smooth as ever. “Although your heart is always racing with anxiety, so I doubt you’ll be able to keep your pulse serene just for the sake of your injuries.”

“N-No worries there, Iwamine-kun...” Kazuaki joked darkly, “I do everything in my power to avoid running and exercising, like a failure of an adult.”

“Except today morning, it seems.”

“...Except today morning…”

Shuu unraveled a roll of bandage. He kept turning Kazuaki’s leg in one of his hands, until it seemed positioned at a most natural angle. A little bit forward, a little bit bent...

...This too, is probably taking longer than it should be. Kazuaki chewed on his lip, but it was impossible to not look down and watch Shuu’s pale hands caress him...Once again, _delicately_. In fact, one of his hands seemed even more forceless and delicate than the other. Frozen in a loose fist, compared to the left one. Nothing worth thinking about, probably.

Shuu did the same to the other knee. Completely focused on his task for once. How could someone be so desensitized to the sight of flesh and blood? Kazuaki was both intimidated and impressed. He wished he could be this brave regarding squeamish things.

The bandages that have been wrapped around his knees were a bit of a pressure, but perfect enough, just like everything else about Shuu’s performance as a doctor.

When he put all of his mental strength to it, Shuu worked fast and precise. Maybe the silence that fell between them was also to thank for that.

The doctor did not need to tape the bandage to stay closed. He put everything back on the tray, and let Kazuaki retreat his legs into a preferred pose.

Shuu collected the tissue that has been abandoned and added it to the tray. Soundless sigh.

...So, that’s done.

The dreaded procedure.

But the silence continued.

Both of them stared down at the tiled floor, emptily, and neither of them realized how awkward a silence like this felt. These last five minutes were oddly tense…

Shuu was the one who showed a sign of life first.

Those weak hands which just got done bandaging Kazuaki’s knees...returned to their placement. Shuu’s palms rested just lightly above Kazuaki’s knees. They were warm, enough for a living human, but still felt colder compared to the thighs below them.

Kazuaki had no way of knowing how red his face had automatically gotten. He held his breath.

Hidden beneath a shadow, Shuu’s expression was unreadable. His hands, ever so slightly, rose farther up the bare lap. Just barely noticeable, faint as a feather, he gave the thigh a _delicate_ squeeze.

A soundless inhale. Kazuaki became _slightly_ more aware of the situation taking place... _slightly_ . He registered the hands, and he registered his own just a few centimeters away. Slowly, _delicately_ , his fists opened. They inched closer, closer to Shuu’s;

but like a startled rabbit, the doctor pulled away fast enough that none of what happened seemed even real. Gone, dust in the wind. He held his right wrist, still static.

It didn’t seem real, that look in his eyes. Shuu glared daggers into the mattress, his lip slightly gaping.

Then he stood up from the stool, picked up the tray with bloodied cotton on it, and stiffly approached his desk on the other end of the infirmary. So fast, Kazuaki had to blink.

“...What are you waiting for? It’s done. Put your pants on and leave the infirmary.”

He was cold and straightforward. This managed to fool many into believing in his image of a straightforward man with clear goals in mind. A doctor, through and through; but not a person. He offered no personality and no feeling. Shuu Iwamine is a machine, a computer, even, designed solely to listen to information, interpret it, and remember. Like a factory, his movements are fast and precise. He is not haphazardly, no, he is confident, and only functions when he has a clear objective in his mind.

That is what Shuu Iwamine is.

He is a doctor, the most professional and passionate one. Incapable of feeling, emotions, and even when he is joked and feared, and even if Kazuaki flirts with him just a little bit to save his own skin,

nothing reaches him. no one, reaches him.

...Right?

Kazuaki’s eyes dug into Shuu Iwamine’s back now. He glared, thoroughly stunned and paralyzed. This is the image that he has learned Shuu for. This is the image of him that his lively and real co-workers told him about.

So then, what happened just now?

Did Kazuaki hallucinate it? That feeling in Shuu just now. It seemed...

The dishes landed in a sink. Cold water streamed down. Shuu took the cottons, and disposed of them. He took his gloves off, and disposed of them. He cuffed his sleeves, and began to clean the slightly bloodied tray.

“Didn’t you hear me.” He said. “Leave the infirmary.” coldly, “Or you’ll never arrive at home again.”

His tongue felt like a dry leaf inside Kazuaki’s mouth. On what felt like autopilot, he slowly pulled his (ripped) jeans back on.

“...Yes.”

Once he stood up and finished, adjusting his scarf as well, the stinging in his knees became noticeable again. But it felt distant and detached. _Kazuaki_ felt distant and detached. Which in itself was something he hadn’t felt...at least since...the days he cooped himself up in his apartment and spent the days staring into the ceiling, sleeping without images in his dreams, and playing games that didn’t bring him joy anymore, no matter how lucky or unlucky his scores ended up.

The infirmary which once was white and pristine, was colored grey. The crisp smell of antiseptic breezed over Kazuaki’s back. But he still felt the warmth...of Shuu’s calloused hands on his legs.

“...Yes…”

The coldness of it all. It is as if Shuu shared a portion of the void filling his mind with Kazuaki, just by touch alone.

This feeling of torpor was enough to dry tears from Kazuaki’s eyes for the rest of the entire day.

Once he found himself at the door frame again, holding onto the wall for support, Kazuaki glanced over the shoulder to see Shuu, still cleaning the dishes at the familiar, relaxed pace. His expression disguised behind brown hair.

“...Bye, Iwamine-kun.” he cleared his throat to get rid of the soreness, “Um, have a nice day. I'll come back tomorrow...~”

And the door slid shut.

The only continuous sound was water flowing endlessly into the sink. Shuu’s hands were no longer in the dish. He leant against the porcelain, and watched it all pass by in front of him.

Why couldn’t it stop. Why couldn’t it ever stop. He managed to fulfill this duty, yes, and he did it in an acceptable amount of time. But from the moment Kazuaki Nanaki enters the infirmary, to the very last second that he leaves, and the time after that, it’s as if an endless ringing starts up in Shuu’s ear, and he feels...delayed.

Kazuaki’s voice still echoed in his head. No, it’s the words. The meaning and the enunciation. Shuu dissected every character in his mind with a fictional scalpel...because he is unable to think of anything else.

Why did he do that? The feeling of the other’s skin still burned into his palms even when he let icy water run through them.

“...Goodbye to you too.”

The answer came five minutes later, in the form of a whisper. Even that was overlapped by the water, and the endless, endless ringing.

Why does he bother. Why does he bother saying anything, when he is gone anyway?

Why do the words always come out when it’s too late?

“I hope you’ll come back soon.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello I wrote this at 4AM. I'm trying to be kinder on myself and make shorter, more open-ended fics because since those last two, I've been unable to start a piece and finish it. But I hope you can appreciate this subtle angst.
> 
> This might be a sequel to "I Will Listen"? Maybe. You can think of it as such. But I plan on making these mutual pining Kazushuu drabbles a series. Hoho.
> 
> Comments are as always appreciated! <3


End file.
